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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk, the long suffering.

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Tennis Finance Group

12 Oct 2005

Mrs Monk swims and I play tennis at John Lloyd tennis Club.

Competition is fierce but ostensibly friendly, at least on the surface.

It came to pass that two separate tennis players were buying and selling the same shares of the same company, Corus, on the same day. They could not be both acting wisely.

A virtual investment club was formed within the Tennis Group. Each member of the “club” have invested a virtual £250 in the following shares of their choice and this is how they are doing in order of their success after one week.

17 Oct 2005

Mrs Monk has been threatening to dabble on the stock market, in a Walter Mitty kind of fantasy that is worrying Mr Monk. She is buoyed up by her virtual success with Marks and Spencer. Mr Monk hoped to lose in order to demonstrate the foolishness of her enterprise and chose the troubled Marconi. This has backfired since Mr Monk has led the table inexplicably since the beginning.

This unexpected result ought to prove Mr Monk’s point since it confirms the unpredictability of the enterprise, but Mrs monk is not “buying it” However Phil, the late starter has leapt forward with Barretts, the best performer this week.

24 Oct 2005

Phil is clearly an insider.

31 Oct 2005

Canny Colin certainly saw something coming at O2 which was featured on every TV news channel this week. Did he see it coming or was it luck? In fact everybody improved this week and that is the first time that has happened as far as I recall.Yes Julia.


Mrs Monk’s

Would-Be Diary

Mrs Monk's Tennis Share Group Unlimited

14 January 2006

The Tennis Group has reconvened after the Christmas Break and for the first time I did not arrive with my usual analyses of the virtual Share groups current status.

Julia is an actual investor of cash in real shares and since the beginning of October 2005, when this grand experiment was inaugurated, she has been, shall we say, less than startling. However, Julia was more than excited to see my analysis on Tuesday because she had the mistaken impression that she had improved to second place, and had thus put all us amateurs in our place.

Oh, what folly.

Please note today's position based on close of business, Friday 13th; unlucky for some.

Mrs Monk, the amateur, has for the first week since October, actually lost money, but remains in first place, with the largest profit. All others have learnt to bow to her supreme judgement, and await her next move. Will she buy, or will she sell?

By way of compensation, I would like to confirm that Julia has no equal on the courts. In tennis terms she has no equal,............. in Basildon.

To witness Mrs Monks success with money, albeit virtual money, is painful, but somewhat understandable. When I first courted Mrs Monk in Maryland, her father would take us to see his horses run, and generally lose, races. On the journey home I would listen to the explanation for such losses: maybe the horse swallowed it’s tongue or the jockey pulled him, or the trainer overfed him.

On one such journey home, Mrs Monk was able to gloat about her winnings after she had bet successfully on at least 6 separate races, predicting not on which horse would win, but upon which two horses would come in 1st and 2nd. She turned $2 into $400 in one afternoon; a sizeable sum: (Please allow for inflation since the 70s) How did she do this? Before each race, she would hang about the $50 bet window at the tote, and simply listened out for numbers uttered by shifty characters, that you would not care to meet. Any number that passed the lips of the dodgy high rollers, she then applied to the $2 window. Result: joy. 



FTSE Stock Information


Please write to lesliemonk@shoestringonlin e.co.uk with your comments suggestions and corrections

Link to table of Stats

Nerdish interest only

These figures correct at close of business, 31 Oct 2005


Mrs Monk: Most feared

Musical Interest: Antony and the Johnsons.  

Drink of Choice: Cocktails and Red wine

Profession; Teacher


Phil: He came, we saw, and we feared his after-tennis anecdotes.                     

Musical Interest: Kiss???                     

Drink of Choice: lime Juice and soda water, with ice                                      

Profession; Professor


Leslie Monk: Most feared all-rounder. The man to beat. Eat my shorts.             

Musical Interest: Jazz Rock Classical. Anything else, except Donny Osmond and Kiss

Drink of Choice: Plonk              

Profession; Finical advisor


Colin: Lean and hungry, a gentleman but only so on the surface. Shows no mercy. Wants to win, even during tennis warm-ups.

Musical Interest: Jazz                    

Drink of Choice: lime juice and soda water, no ice                                        

Profession; Financial advisor


Julia: has a Donny Osmond Fetish. Rough or Smooth Julia, An enigma. Heart of gold. Forehand of an Exorcet.                 

Musical Interest: Donny Osmond ???  

Drink of Choice: Diet coke for show, but a lush on Donny Osmond week-enders

Profession; Financial advisor


Lesley: tennis nut with feminine guile and tactics to outwit the coach. Beguiling lobs.    

Musical Interest: Rod Stewart???        

Drink of Choice: Fruity drinks with fresh fruit  salad                                         

Profession; Traveller.


Ian: He feigns a limp to gain advantage. Beguilingly fast serves, delivered usually before opponent is ready.               

Musical Interest: Black Sabbath         

Drink of Choice: Coffee out of the machine. (Not filtered)                              

Profession; Comedian


Shenge: Tiny newcomer with dynamic volleys and infectious enthusiasm. Crossed over from Yoga where talent for volleying would not be appreciated.               

Musical Interest: Yet to be revealed    

Drink of Choice: Yet to be revealed

Profession; Financial advisor

Please write to lesliemonk@shoestringonlin e.co.uk with your comments suggestions and corrections