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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk, the long suffering.
 

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 19 May 04 Siamese Head Butt
I have to inject Cat Seamus at a certain time of the day so there is some synchronicity between this and his eating and drinking. Thus we control his Diabetes.
During the current warm spell, Seamus is inclined to disappear up cat alleys and into unknown neighbours gardens in search of sunnier spots to lounge the morning away.
Accordingly, we adjust the cat flap master control so that he cannot get out when I have to give him his jab.
There are four settings on the master control. 1: Cat can get in and out, 2: Cat can't get in and out, 3: Cat can get in but Cat can't get out, and 4: Cat can get out but Cat can't get in.
Today at the appropriate time I went to the back door and found not one cat but two. Yes we had an intruder.
Brown Siamese saw me, panicked, head butted the cat flap. Exit strategy failure due to cat flap setting No 3.
Panicked some more and ran through the house like a greyhound. Realised there was only one exit option , Siamese intruder took the longest run up you could possibly imagine, through himself kami kazi fashion head first at the unmovable fixed cat flap. He bounced off the door and if I were not there to grab him by the scruff, I'm sure he would have had another shot at it. Seamus sat calmly throughout, this spectacle moving only his head to follow the smoke trail of the Siamese Cat in flight first this way, then that way, then back again, then the impressive impact, and then the ignominy of being put outside by the scruff of the neck.
In due course, Seamus calmly walked over to his empty bowl, as if to accuse the Siamese of eating his breakfast.