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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk, the long suffering.

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 20 May 04
Beam Me Up Scotty
Man rings my number I answer call.
Man: "Les"
Me: "Yes"
Man: "Arthur"
Me "Do I know an Arthur?"
Man "My name is Arthur"
Me " Is this a wrong ....."
So, an "Arthur" gets wrong number seeking a "Les" Gets another Les. Viz: me.
5 minutes later
I am frantically looking for Seamus who is late for his vet appointment. He has gone AWOL
Third walk down back alley when I spy a man putting black cat in wire cage into back seat of his car.
Outside my house is a "cat missing" sign. Distraught owner has been searching for some days now. Rumours about cat snatchers, and cat fur turned into rugs or mirkins.
I make light, but owners of missing cats, can need trauma counselling, take it from the Monks.
I confront the Cat napper.
"I'm looking for a Black Cat...." I say with fake nonchalance.
I pretend to befriend him and do a little coochie coochie coo to the cat, now on the back seat of his car, then look the beast straight in the eye, and I am looking at Seamus, the Cat I love and ....let's face it, ...sleep with.
The man says, "This is definitely my cat. He has a white smudge on his back"
Seamus has a white smudge on his chest.
I note the smudge. "So he does," I say.
I take on a placating demeanour, "They could be related"
The man starts to hurry along. He says, "Must go, My cat has a 9.30am appointment with the vet."
Seamus' appointment was at 9.40 am.
Another strange coincidence within the same hour.??? Two identical cats with consecutive appointments with the same vet.
Beam me up Scotty.
When I see, Seamus' personal Vet, Margaret, I know she has just seen another identical cat, and in the waiting room are at least another half dozen unremarkable cats and dogs.
Nevertheless, Margaret did a good job of making me and Seamus feel special, and Gave Seamus a good report. I did actually have to remind Margaret as to why we were there, "What about the Ex-ray Margaret"
Thus, Margaret is only human, and Seamus is only a cat, albeit the one with the smudge on his chest.


20 May 04 Big Mac Monk
My sister, Rosemary called me today.
She has just been to Scotland on a touring holiday with husband Tom.
She is keen to inform me, with some excitement, that she has been told, and more than once, that I, a Monk, am a descendant of a Scottish clan.
She was told this in various emporiums that specialise in wool tartan.
Heritage marketing gone too far?
Rosemary was disappointed by my scepticism, especially by my reaction when she told me that the Monk's are in fact descendants of ...... MacDonalds.
Oh, the ignominy of being compared to that which is unfit for human consumption.

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