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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk, the long suffering.

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Bull Shit Pages

NEED MORE Send me your Corporate Bull Shit Stories

14 September 04    Customer Services Bullshit

GM card tried to charge me £25 because I didn't pay the bill in time. In fact I did pay in time by BACS, and my bank statement confirms that the cash flew out the account 4 days before time was up but arrived supposedly one day after it was due.

This is not the first time this has happened and so, being duly angered by the 3rd reoccurrence I picked up the phone in the mood for not taken "no" for an answer.

After dialling up Customer Services and punching in my 16 digit credit card no and my date of birth and my mothers maiden name, I eventually passed on my complaint and demand for a refund.

"No, Mr. Monk" I am not at liberty to refund the charge, because you have had a refund before, and we only refund one time only, and you were late, after all"

This was a familiar refrain, and I was ready for it.
"Thank you very much", I said, "I now want to speak with the supervisor"

"I am the supervisor", he said.
I have now to admit to flying off the handle.
"Thank you very much", I said, "I now want to speak with the MANAGER"

It was arranged that the Manager would call me back and two hours later I got the call, by which time I had been fuelled by a glass of wine, or three.

All the of the above arguments were repeated but I expanded on the theme of banks making money out of delays in transferring money.
"Do you know that this is illegal in Sweden?" I told him.
He told me that they needed 4 days because there are certain procedures that have to be carried out.

"Bullshit" I told him.

"I am prepared to halve the charge he said"
"You want to steal my money and give me half of it back and expect me to be satisfied"

The wine was working.

I told him that I wanted to talk to the supervisor of the Managers.
I was surprised to learn that there was such a thing and it was arranged that this person would call me back.

One hour later, we were on the second bottle and the Supervisor of the Manager of the Supervising Managers called; a lady.
She told me that on this occasion, they were prepared to refund the whole of the charge.

"Thank you very much", I said calmly and that should have been that, .....but for what she added, thinking it would be her closing statement.
She said, "This will be the last time that we will refund the charge."
This is something they, customer services representatives, are trained to say in order to shift the guilt onto the customer, and at the same time act generously and unapologetic.

I provided my own closing statement.

"If your company tries to rip me off again, your company will refund the charge, again and again"



I had an annoying smug ring of confidence for the rest of the evening

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25 May 2005 BT Helpline Bullshit

I listen to BBC Radio online as I work at my PC but today my listening was interrupted by a BT Broadband Crash. Consequently I had no access to my E-mail and I had important to stuff to deal with.

The people on the BT Broadband helpline seem to be instructed not to admit responsibility for any failure but to blame their customers modem and/or the customers “Firewire” for example.

Since the fault was actually an intermittent fault I was able to log onto BT web site where you can check out your line automatically which I did twice, and on just one occasion BT reported that there was a fault at the BT telephone exchange. This I saved as evidence.

I spoke to at least 12 different helpers on the BT help line and all without exception steadfastly declined to accept responsibility. However just one BT lady did acknowledged that they were maintaining their systems at the local Diagnostic Centre at precisely the time of the first crash.

More Evidence.

I have two modems and two separate computers and tested each modem with each computer and the results were the same on every combination. It was definitely a failure of BT equipment.

BT Make Profit Out Of BT Failure

So what do BT do if their equipment fails and you are left without a proper service for 5 days which is what happened to me. Do they apologise for the loss of service and refund you the advance charge that the customer has paid. No

In fact customers who report the fault and are then charged EXTRA by way of call charges. A nice little earner for BT.

So if you call the free fault line (150) , you are then asked to radial 0870 240 4650 which is an unfree help line whether you wanted it or not, and then charged a premium for that call.

Thus BT are inclined to describe the fault as a problem with the customers Modem or Firewire for example, and never ever a problem with the BT Equipment.

Oh So Typical BT

My first call to BT 0870 240 4650 (number listed on BT web site) provoked many multiple automated choices, before I was eventually asked to wait in a que. I put the phone on loudspeaker and let it ring for an hour before I gave up.

The next day I got a call from BT responding to the fault I reported on-line on day one. He told me that there was no problem with the BT equipment and that I must call 0870 240 4650

I call again 0870 240 4650. Many multiple option automated responses before eventually being asked to wait. Put the phone on loudspeaker and let it ring for an half hour before I gave up.

I call BT on 150 Lady checks line and says that her computer says that it is possibly my Modem or my Firewire that is causing problem. She tells me to call 0870 240 4650. Sharp intake of breath

Ditto above next day

I call BT on 150 Indian lady checks line and says that her computer says that it is possibly my Modem or my Firewire that is causing the problem. She tells me to call 0870 240 4650. Sharp intake of breath. I tell her that I do not accept that advice because I know that this would be a complete waste of my time. Indian lady repeats the same advice

I learn that if you call the free line to BT the call will be dealt with promptly and expediently.

But if you ring the premium line you will be kept on hold for up to an hour, and in due course that they will ask you a great deal of questions about your equipment but are reluctant to discuss their equipment.

30 May 2005

Sunday Observer

Report on Indian Call Centres responding to UK and US complaining customers and how they need counselling due to abuse they receive from the American and British customers

30 May 2005

Everything is now working normally and I have made no changes to my systems, so like magic my Firewire was OK and so too are my modems.