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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk, the long suffering.

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19-Mar 2004 Cat's Pee

Seamus Part 2

I finally got my first urine sample, from Seamus the cat. Mrs Monk. normally does this job, but for once I was in the right place at the right time. My technique was as follows.

Step 1. Seamus waits at the kitchen door, looks over his shoulder at me as if to ask me to me to open the door for him. He has a cat flap but prefers to have the door opened for him. Don't ask?

Step 2. Make him wait Make him really want to go.

Step 3. Open Kitchen Door.

Step 4. Follow him out into garden.

Step 5. Watch him sit on Crazy paving and wonder if anything will happen.

Step 6 Joy as he makes progress toward ancient peeing site under the tree

Step 7 Hold back and wait until he gets into mid stream. Then make advance. Lift his tail, and witness for the vary first time the strange backward trajectory of pee. Strange for a boy, I mean.

Step 8 Thrust forward with diagnostic stick and get it wet.

Step 9 Witness Seamus indignant stare.

Step 10 Thrust fist into air.

Step 11 Wait 20 seconds and note that Seamus has negative glucose in his pee.


25-Mar 2004

Seamus has now made some sustained progress with his diabetes. He is now on 1 ml of insulin per day and Doc Margaret told me that if he continues to show negative glucose in his pee, then we might then drop the injections altogether. Alleluia

26-Mar 2004 7 am

Woken this morning to Mrs Monk.' s screaming from the Kitchen. I was out of bed in a flash, ran down stairs in the buff to the kitchen, where hysterical Mrs Monk. is pointing at a plump mouse under the table. I bagged up the poor creature, put him in the bin and went back to bed.

26-Mar 2004 1 p.m.

Made myself a sandwich in the kitchen. Seamus is always right there beside me when I prepare my lunch but this time he was particularly lively. Just as I turned around, he tossed a fat mouse into the air.

Second mouse of the day.

27 mar 2004 9 am

Gave Seamus his morning injection as Mrs Monk. pottered into the kitchen.

Noticed another mouse under the Kitchen Table. Pointed it out to Mrs Monk. who was making breakfast. Mrs Monk. started screaming. I

bagged up the mouse, who quickly joined the other two in the bin.

27 mar 2004 4 p.m.

After the usual Saturday shop we returned home and expected to find more  mice, but no, there were none. However Mrs Monk was soon screaming once more. Seamus walked through the Kitchen door with a mouse in his mouth still kicking. I decided to pick him up complete with mouse and put him outside, in order to show him that his gifts were not welcome. Seamus squeaked and dropped the mouse, who continued to genuflect Seamus was quick to pick him up again and give the poor creature another going over. Again I made him drop the mouse, but this time the mouse had gone to mouse heaven. I was relieved actually and swiftly bagged and binned the creature.

Mrs Monk. chastised me for not letting Seamus have the pleasure of giving us the offering.

28 Mar 2004 10 a.m.

Seamus has gone missing. We searched high and low, but cannot find him. Therefore we could not give him his injection before our usual Sunday London trip.

29-mar 2004

Seamus disappeared again this morning. We are assuming that he is out stalking more mice. Telephoned Margaret, the vet, who agreed that we need not inject him anymore, but we are to continue to monitor his pee.

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