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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk, the long suffering.

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13 May 2005

Cat Flap Charlie and the Headless Mouse

Mrs Monk found a headless mouse in the Kitchen, and we are left wondering just where Cat Flap Charlie has hidden the missing head. Did it roll under the kitchen cabinets, is it behind the sofa, or did he just eat it.

Let’s not think about it.

11 June 2005

The Amazing Mighty Mouse

As we sat in our car outside our house, getting ready for a journey, we noticed Cat Flap Charlie running back and forth on the public footpath in a kind of excited dance; first this way, then that, then this, and so on. We decided to investigate.

Since we live on something of a  hill, the public footpath has a number of channel gullies to intercept the rainfall, and within one of these channels a mouse was running up and down, and Charlie was after him.

As we pondered how we might rescue the mouse, the poor creature made a fatal mistake; he left the relative security of the drain and Charlie was onto him like a flash.

Charlie ran across the road with the mouse in his mouth. And over the fence and into a neighbours front garden.

Mr and Mrs Monk ran across the road in order to rescue the mouse, and we were both amazed by what we saw.

Charlie had released the creature apparently unharmed, and was sitting there calmly looking at the brave mouse that was standing tall on two legs and shadow-boxed feverishly with both front legs, as if he were looking for a fight. Charlie was bewildered at this amazing diminutive boxer, but then he came to his senses and dealt  with the mouse with one swipe of his left paw.   

I am going to resist the temptation to use a pun but I am finding myself wondering about the derivation of the boxing term, “Southpaw”

Answers on a post card please.

20 June 2005

Cat Catcher

A Stray cat with one closed eye has occupied our garden for some weeks. A lady.

Our very own Cat Flap Charlie has welcomed her but she will not come anywhere near a human being. Mrs monk has consulted with our friend Angie, and they have agreed that this stray is in fact abandoned, but also pregnant. Cat Flap Charlie has become the surrogate father, since he is no longer able to perform that function, but nevertheless paces about the house restlessly and constantly visits the patient in the garden. Mrs Monk has also been in attendance but expectant mother always makes sure that there is at least 10 yards between Mrs Monk and herself.. However, she does get regular meals from the Monks which she devours hurriedly. After two weeks of feeding, the bad eye reopened.

Cat protection league were called in for advice.

A huge trap was delivered to us and we were offered advice on how to set the trap, and catch the mother for her own good.

We failed for two days but on the third day expectant Mother cleverly entered the cage and took the bait so delicately that she failed to trigger the trap door and escaped untroubled.

On the fourth day we caught the wrong cat, but then we subsequently caught the expectant beast.

Mrs Monk was so traumatised and distressed by this that I found myself saying that we should maybe have her back when she has had her kittens.

This excited Mrs Monk, and she said maybe we should also have one of the kittens.

What have I done?


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